Lies and Dysphoria
by miraculousladybug300
Summary: Virgil has a dark secret that he has been keeping from the other sides. How long will it take until one of them finds out? Rated M for swearing, angst, blood, Dysphoria. Sorry for short chapters I'm not good at writing. I'm sorry if I offend anyone, I'm not trans.
1. Lies and Dysphoria chapter 1

He stared into the mirror, his Hazelnut eyes fixated on his bare chest. To him, it wasn't bare, but rather heavy with two swollen breasts that captured all the limelight. Virgil hated the way he looked. It was too... Feminine.

He sighed, pulling his black binder over his chest and willed his boobs to just disappear so he didn't have to crush his lungs anymore.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps walking up the stairs of thomas' mindscape.

'shit' virgil thought as he sprinted towards his bed where his hoodie was left discarded and practically threw it onto himself.

Without warning, a proud looking figure came bursting through the wooden door. That figure, belonged to Roman.

"don't you ever think of knocking?!" Anxiety almost screamed upon seeing one of his counterparts burst through his door.

He noticed how high pitched his voice sounded. It made him want to tear his throat out.

"woah! Calm Down there Virge, you look like you have just seen a ghost! Your paler than your foundation lol!" said Roman laughing loudly at his own joke.

He caught Virgil's stare and continued

"anyway, Patton wanted me to tell you that we are having a movie night tonight and he wanted me to ask if you wanted to join us?"

Virgil rolled his eyes. "which will turn into another Disney movie marathon. No thank you"

"patton is making cookies for tonight!"

After hearing Patton and cookies in one sentence, virgil immediately stood up. "I'm in"

"great! See you tonight!" Roman left laughing, not bothering to close the door.

Virgil went to close his door and sat back on his bed. 'great' he thought 'another social gathering'. He got his phone out, put on his headphones and blasted music into his ears to drown out any and all thoughts that popped into his head. He couldn't deal with a lot of his emotions right now.


	2. Lies and Dysphoria chapter 2

It was around 7 pm when Patton decided it was time to start the movie night. He set his cookies on a nice tray and put it on the coffee table in the lounge. He smiled to himself as he thought about the good times that he had with his friends before and memories he would be able to make in the future, tonight being one of them.

Not wanting to disturb Logan too much, he sent him a quick text.

'Hey Logie! Do you want to come down for movie night tonight?'

About a minute later he got a response.

'Salutations Patton. I will be down shortly.'

This made Patton smile, he loved spending time with Logan. It made him feel... Special.

Patton walked up the stairs, deciding to get Roman first.

He knocked on the door only to be flung open by a very happy man, dressed in his finest pajamas. (it was his usual outfit, just made of silk).

"Greeting Patton! Are we ready to start this Disney Party?! "

"Hey Roman! Yeah! I just need to get Virgil and we are all sorted!" replied Patton in an exited tone.

"I am going to bring all of my quality bedding, pillows, plushies, blankets and what not." explained Roman, counting the list off on his fingers.

"Okay kiddo, you do that and get set up! No eating cookies until we are all downstairs!"

Patton said, eager to start this wonderful night of singing, watching and sleeping.

Roman happily trotted downstairs, a trail of blankets and duvets behind him, and began to set up.

Patton smiled to himself as he knocked on Virgil's door.

"sorry kiddo! Didn't want to bother you but we are going to start this movie marathon now if you want to join us!"

Patton heard a slight huff from Virgil's room.

"Sure Pat ill be down in a minute, start without me if you need to" Virgil replied, kinda exited which was unusual.

"I doubt that but take your time Virgil! We will be waiting for you!" Patton grinned as he turned away to see Logan walking out of his room in his unicorn onesie and (or course) his tie.

The pair walked down the stairs together to join an exited Roman in the living room.

Virgil, however was quite the opposite when he realised something...


	3. Lies and Dysphoria chapter 3

As Virgil stood up from his bed, he felt something drop into his boxers.

'shit' he thought, 'not now! Why now?! OMG'

He sprinted to his bathroom and scrambled around in his draws and found his stash of pads that he kept as hidden as possible.

He immediately put one on, disgusted at the sight below him. He could never get over periods.

Virgil was so thankful for baggy trousers.

After about 10 minutes of stressing and debating whether or not to join the others, he decided it was okay and he trudged down the stairs.

"Here comes pouty Mc pout face!" shouted Roman as soon as he saw Virgil enter the living room.

"Hey kiddo! So glad you joined us! Wanna cookie?" asked Patton, happy that his dark strange son had joined them.

"does it have chocolate in it?" Virgil asked, cocking his head to the side.

"of course kiddo! Your favourite!"

Virgil took one and sat down on a white pillow in between Patton and Roman.

"what film we watching?"

"MULAN!!" exclaimed Roman.

"you don't have to be so loud Roman we are in the same room" Logan said, without lifting his head up from his book.

"Logie! Put that book down, we are supposed to be watching Mulan together!" Patton pleaded.

"I am sitting right next to you, therefore, we are together" replied Logan.

"let him do his thing Pat, like he said, at least he is with us." said Virgil, trying to make Patton feel better as he could see the slight sadness in Patton's eyes.

The 4 managed to watch 6 films before falling asleep, all to which Roman decided on.

First it was Mulan, then Beauty and the beast, Aladdin, Lilo and Stitch, Moana and even after Virgil and Logans' protesting, Frozen.

After a long night of singing, binge eating and watching movies the 4 had fallen asleep together in the living room. Patton leaning against Logan and Logans head resting on patton, Roman had fallen asleep on his front after lying there, kicking his feet to the songs like a teenage girl. And there was Virgil curled up in a nice ball on a few pillows, like a cat.

In the morning, Logan was the first to awake.

'huh? Oh yes that's right' he thought 'I attended one of those sleepovers' Logan grimaced when he thought of that. Then he realised the position he was in with Patton.

He blushed a quickly, but carefully, got up and went upstairs to his room to start his day.

Completely missing the state Virgil was in.

Next to wake up was Patton. He was used to getting up early to make breakfast for the others, so he was usually one of the first to wake up.

He looked around, noticing the empty cavity of where Logan once slept. He thought nothing of it and sat up to which he saw Virgil, sprawled on the floor next to Roman. But something was different. The lower half of his body was stained. With... Blood?


	4. Lies and Dysphoria chapter 4

Patton wanted to scream, but stopped himself from doing so by covering his mouth.

Blood?...wh...wait BLOOD!

The father figure scrambled over to Virgil's sleeping body and (not knowing what to do in the situation) gently shook Virgil awake, hoping that he wasn't dead.

Virgil was woken by the frantic shaking of Patton.

He never thought he could feel surprised, tired, scared and safe all in one go.

"P..Patton, what are you doing? Let me sleep."

Virgil said dramatically, rolling over onto his side.

This only startled Patton more as he saw the blood soaked pillow. Also Virgil was BLEEDING! Surely he would feel pain or something?

"VIRGIL!!" Patton hissed as quietly as he could as to not wake Roman up, "YOUR BLEEDING!!"

"I..im what?" Virgil said, not caring that much but slightly confused, rolling back onto his back.

"BLEEDING! ARE YOU HURT?!!" Patton started to worry more and more. What if Virgil is too high on adrenaline to feel anything and he wouldn't be able to solve the issue.

"Huh?" Virgil was so confused. Was Patton playing a prank on him? Then he remembered what had started last night. "Shit" he said standing up and looking down towards the pillow.

As soon as Virgil stood up, Patton was right there holding him, expecting Virgil to collapse or something similar. He was surprised when Virgil gently pulled Patton off him.

"Im fine Patton seriously!"

"But your bleeding! That's not normal!" Patton protested against Virgil's firm grip, holding him back.

"Actually it is" Virgil mumbled under his breath.

"Hmm?" Patton was confused, he needed Virgil to elaborate on his mumbling.

"Nothing! It's fine, just don't tell any of the others okay! This needs to stay a secret"

"Why, your hurt!" Patton cried.

"I promise you Im not! It's just one of those down sides to being.." Virgil slapped his hands over his mouth before he could continue.

"Being what Virge? You know you can tell me anything!"

Before anyone could say another word, Virgil grabbed the pillow he bled on and ran upstairs slamming his bedroom door behind him.


	5. Lies and Dysphoria chapter 5

With tears flowing down his cheeks, Virgil viciously scrubbed at the pillow. He was so disappointed and angry at his stupid female body for playing up like that. But he was also angry at himself, for making the decision to join the others that night. He had fun, yes, but he didn't know how he would be able to face anyone again. Especially Patton.

The more he thought about it, the angrier he got, the more he scrubbed and scrubbed at the fabric. Desperate to get every tiny little spot he could see off Roman's pillow. It was soaking wet because Virgil had dunked it in the cold water over and over again, not realising that it was spreading the stain because the water now had a tint of red in it.

Suddenly, there came a soft knocking at the door.

"Kiddo, are you okay?" Came the soft voice of Patton. You could tell he had been crying from the slight shakiness in his voice.

When Virgil didn't answer, Patton opened the door and walked into Anxiety's room. It was a mess. Clothes thrown everywhere, bedding shoved to one side of his bed and draws and boxes had been left open. Like Virgil was searching for something.

Patton looked around almost desperately for Virgil, when he saw the bathroom light on and heard faint sobs.

For a few minutes, Virgil didn't see the father figure standing in the doorway. He was too busy brainstorming on how to tell Roman that his pillow was ruined.

After about 10 mins of standing in the doorway and hearing Virgil mutter to himself a couple of times. Patton gave in.

"Virgil, are you okay kiddo?" He said softly. Walking over to place a hand on his 'sons' shoulder.

The darker counterpart jumped at the touch and wiped away his tears like a knee jerk reaction.

"I...im fine p..Patton." he said.

"Your not fine kiddo trust me, i know when my best friends are sad."

Patton looked at the bathtub full of water and blood, sighed, and took the piece of old cloth and pillow from Virgil's hands and placed them on the side. He then proceeded to spin Virgil so he was facing him and pull him into a deep hug.

The two stood in Virgil's bathroom In an embrace for quite some time, both men sobbing into each others shoulders, until finally Virgil broke away.

He felt so sorry that Patton had to see him like this. His eyeshadow running down his cheeks racing his tears, blood on his hands and staining most of the bathroom from a panic attack, he was barely standing he was so worked up.

"Im so sorry Pat"

"For what kiddo you have done nothing wrong!" Pat replied, softly

They stood in silence for a few moments, only to be broken by Virgil's voice,

"Aren't you going to ask me questions?" He said, hastily

"Not if you're uncomfortable, I don't want to force you do anything you don't want to". Truth be told, Patton did have a lot of questions, starting with where the blood came from, how is Virgil okay? Ect... But he didn't want to upset Virgil just to make himself feel better.

"Pat im gonna admit something.." Virgil said, almost at a whisper

Patton tried not to make his eyes light up, but he couldn't help it.

"Oh?" He asked "what is it?"

Virgil hesitated before he replied " I... I really liked that hug" he said, sheepishly while looking at the floor.


	6. Lies and Dysphoria chapter 6

The day went by as normal. Patton tried his best not to ask questions but Virgil was always at the back of his mind. He was just curious. He didn't want to hurt the boy, so he stade quiet.

Roman, however, could not keep quiet.

"I demand to know where my pillow is!"

Roman said, almost shouting.

"Calm down kiddo! It was only a plain white one right? It not that important, you have others!" Patton replied, noticing Virgil's worried expression.

"NOT THAT IMPORTANT??!!, IT IS A VITAL PIECE OF MY PRACTICALLY PERFECT PILLOW FORT THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!"

"Roman stop yelling okay!" said Virgil, on the verge of tears.

Patton glanced over at virgil for the fourth time that night and saw the tears that were going to form in his sons brown eyes. He looked back at Roman who had fallen over from jumping up and down like a toddler having a tantrum.

"I can yell if I want to!! Why are you still here anyway??!! Did you steal my pillow??!!!"

Roman started walking towards Virgil, glaring at him straight in the eyes. He didn't get very far, however, because Patton (being the dad) practically ran in between the two sides and faced Roman with a 'stop this now or there will be consequences' look.

Slowly Roman calmed down and looked at Virgil who was practically cowering behind Patton, like he was trying to blend into his shadow.

"sorry virgil" the Prince muttered

"what was that Roman I didn't here you?" replied Patton, still letting Virgil hide behind him.

"Sorry virgil! I shouldn't have accused you for stealing my pillow!" he said trying to be as nice as possible.

"great! Now why don't I buy you another pillow if it is that important Roman!" It was strange, almost creepy, how he went from stern parent, back to happy pappy patton in under a second, one would need some talent to do that.

"it's fine pat, I'll do it" Roman muttered and walked off. He had run out of energy from acting like a toddler and he just wanted to sleep. His curiosity and anger had another thing in mind and before he knew it, Roman was standing in the middle of the darker trait's bedroom.

As soon as the Prince stepped inside, he immediately felt dejected and worried. He couldn't imagine what it felt like to be the embodiment of anxiety let alone just standing in his shadowy room.

Roman searched for his pillow trying not to move much (because of fear that Virgil would notice).

Feeling disgruntled at the absence of his pillow, Roman turned to the doorway, only to see Virgil's bathroom light still turned on.

Hastily, Roman entered the bathroom, scrunching up his face as the plastic door creaked when he opened it.

He scanned the room only to find his pillow on the side of the bathtub, next to an old cloth and a bathtub full of water. It wouldn't have looked that unusual if it wasn't for the huge red stain in the middle of the white fabric and the water seemed to be dyed too.

Wtf was Virgil doing In his bathroom? You know what, creativity didn't want to think about it, he just shut the door and tiptoed into his own room,

disturbed by what he just saw.


	7. Lies and Dysphoria chapter 7

Every day was the same for Virgil, or at least the mornings were. He would wake up at around 10am, he would try to sleep in but his body wouldn't let him. So today, he got up, had a shower and proceeded to stare at his body in his thin, body-length mirror.

He hated looking at himself, but it was like his mind thought that he had to. That he had to check through all the rights and most importantly the wrongs of his body, mainly the lack of male body parts and the presence of female ones.

Virgil had stood naked in his bedroom for over half an hour. He hadn't realised that he had been staring at himself for so long. He was too busy nitpicking at tiny imperfections on his delicate, pale skin. The man wrapped his towel back around his hips and froze in sheer panic as he heard a pounding at his door.

\--about 3 hours earlier--

Roman had had enough. He was going to confront his counterpart and ask him about what he could only assume was some dark strawberry sauce on his missing pillow. Why had Virgil not only spilt something on it, but also had hidden it away from him. The Prince knew he shouldn't had sneaked into the other's room, but he needed the truth, and he needed it now.

The creative side was going to wake Virgil up early so he could pay for what he had done (in a nonthreatening way). So he got up at 7am and tiptoed across the hallway to not wake anyone else up. He was stopped in his tracks however when a nervous looking Patton bumped into him.

"oh sorry kiddo! I wasn't looking where I was going!" Morality said as normally as he could muster.

"you okay Pat? You look like you haven't slept in days!"

"actually I was on my way to see you, I want to talk. I kinda need some advice" Patton replied, a tiny blush appearing from under his round glasses.

"oh?!" Roman looked at Patton and put two and two together. "love advice??" he asked suggestively.

Patton's rosy cheeks blushed a brilliant shade of pink as he lifted his head to look at Roman.

"maybe" he squeaked.

'Virgil can wait' Roman thought. 'I have LOVE to discuss!'

Roman guided Patton into his room and sat next to the dad on his red and white bed.

They sat next to each other for a while, Roman sometimes gave his friend a reassuring wink or nudge until finally.

"so... I do like someone" Patton said

"Logan?"

" waa... How did you know?!" Patton said, flustered.

"it's kinda obvious. You blush a lot around him, you always sit next to him, little things like that. Also It couldn't be Virgil cause I know you see him as your son and that would just be weird. It also wouldn't be one of the dark sides, cause ya know... The whole Deceit and Remus thing"

"y..your right" Patton smiled sheepishly

"I'm always right!" replied Roman almost too selfishly.

Patton immediately switched into dad mode and said "nobody is right all the time". He gave a look to the other and crossed his arms.

Roman just shook his head. "anyway, we have love to discuss!"

The two continued having their conversation for around 2 hours and after a lot of crying and worrying from the older side, Roman decided it was a good idea to put on a movie to watch to calm Patton down. This seemed to work because after watching One Hundred and One Dalmatians, Patton was bad to his happy, cheerful self and skipped downstairs to make breakfast for everyone.

Roman looked at his Pinocchio wall clock and gasped. It was already half 10!

'screw waking him up early I need to talk to him now' he thought. He stood up and strode towards Virgil's room with full power.


End file.
